Sunday, June 11, 2006

Good Taste Patrol, part one

Well, it's summertime once again in the midwest. Those two and a half months that we spend all
year lusting after, wishing for, praying they'll come and stay...though they never do.

Warm weather in a four season town like Chicago is such a rare occurance, yet it is wasted on some.
I'm talking to you Jorts wearers in particular.

A fleeting season like summer should be cherished. Coddled, even. Not a sip should be spilled, not a moment wasted. So why in the hell do some people spend these blessed days parading around in blatant fashion mistakes?

Whoever thought of the combination of denim jeans and short pants should've been drawn and quartered. Or at least subject to one full summer of Chinese water torture. Jorts are NOT on.
There are only two acceptable forms of denim clothing that don't go all the way to your ankles.

1. Denim capris for chicks.
2. Daisy-Duke style cutoff jean shorts, and only on tall, leggy women who live in the Southeast. And even then, only worn over bikini bottoms to the swimmin' hole. Or the farmers' market. Or the bonfire.

Oh, and a special exception for construction workers. During work hours only.

Denim and a crisp hem, or pleats and cargo pockets, just ain't meant to be mixed. And maybe the worst part of people that wear Jorts is the fact that they just don't GET that they look ridiculous. Last year during a night of cocktailing at The Saloon steakhouse, conversation turned to Jorts, naturally it was not in a complimentary fashion. Not only was a guy sitting right next to us WEARING Jorts in a public place on a friday night, he was laughing right along with us. There is no off position on the genius switch.

My friend Mark said it best the other night. Nothing says classy like a nice pair of light blue Jorts and a Brazilian steakhouse.

Stay classy, Jorts wearers. Proud.
Not really.

Next time on Good Taste Patrol: Tassled loafers with shorts. And those white puka shell necklaces.


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